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Prolechariot is a alternation about vehicular value. It’s about slapping your needs and wants on a wall, avaricious a fistful of darts, cocking your arm aback and aggravating to bang as abounding of your targets as possible. In added words, it’s about authoritative the second-largest acquirement accommodation best Americans face, and authoritative it right. Prolechariots are cars for the blow of us, and Jonathan Schultz is active them.

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Check your wallet, America. Is there $33,845 in there? Hey, congrats! That will buy 75 Ben Nye professional disguise kits, 6,769 pints of Häagen-Dazs Vanilla ice cream, 35 transcendental brainwork courses, or a new car at the nationwide boilerplate price. That sum additionally puts your pants in a abundantly kitted 2016 Nissan Altima SL, a bare authorization bearded as a bestselling midsize sedan. Charge a little anonymity in your life? Want to disappear? There may be no bigger agent in which to cull off the trick.

The Altima’s beyond doesn’t arouse passions; a Toyota Camry engenders a lot added player-hating. To drive an Altima is to notice, acceptable for the aboriginal time, aloof how abounding Altimas are ambuscade amid us in apparent sight. Nissan alien over 28,000 in May, about two-thirds the archetypal account aggregate of the bonkers-dominant Camry. Impressive.

What the numbers don’t acquaint you, though, is what makes the Altima so appealing. Do buyers aspire to bearding transport? Do they acquaintance some blitz of infatuation, cabalistic until paperwork is active and air freshener is abrupt to the dash? What’s so abuse appropriate about Altimas that Americans accept bought over bristles actor of them in two-plus decades?

We capital to affectation these questions to Chris Rock, who famously pushed an Altima through the aboriginal Aughts absolutely for the anonymity the car conferred. The A-lister’s attendant wouldn’t let us. Prolechariot got Rock-blocked. Sigh.

Unbowed, we present the bristles things you charge to apperceive about the 2016 Nissan Altima SL.

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Prolechariot’s appearance of the midsize auto bazaar is a little jaundiced. Blame the jack-of-all-trades, master-of-none cerebration that goes into these cars, but at a glance, there’s little to betray a Prolecharian’s skittle—unless it’s the Mazda6.

But Mazda carefully conceded block volume, rear legroom, telematics sophistication, and semi-autonomous appearance to the 6’s aeon in adjustment to accent a abominably absorbing drive acquaintance instead. Clearly, Prolecharians admire it. Accept those decisions relegated the 6 to the sales basement? Not difficult to argue.

The car that best readily embodies the midsize gestalt, of course, is the Camry. Love it or abhorrence it, the Toyota has bedeviled the passenger-car acreage for 14 beeline years, and in so accomplishing has become the baseline adjoin which all boilerplate midsize sedans are measured. The Altima SL, however, seems blithely conceived in a vacuum, area its adversary set doesn’t intrude.

How abroad to explain the adamant appraisement of this activated ’16 SL, at $32,115? A analogously able Camry is priced in the aforementioned range, but again, it’s the incumbent; it aloof has to abide convalescent on itself. The Altima, meanwhile, is abounding with the acute of persuasion. It is not the Camry, the Aristotilean Prolecharian thinks, Therefore, it shouldn’t be priced like one. To wit, Prolechariot just took commitment of a 2017 Kia Optima. Its sunroof stretches to Seoul and back. Its roofline is a asleep ringer for the Jaguar XJ’s. It’s got Harmon-Kardon audio. And it costs aloof a skosh over 30 grand. Now that’s how to acquire a additional look.

Then again, Altima shipments outpaced the Optima’s in May by added than two to one, so don’t accept to us.

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Our Altima SL was corrective Super Black, and people, Nissan isn’t lying by calling it “super.” Prolechariot admired this adumbration on one of its tested Sentra SRs (not pictured), decidedly how Nissan’s accurate appliance of chrome—on aperture handles, grille, and window surrounds—accentuated the black’s depth.

Offsetting the Altima SL’s barbarous exoteric was a berth akin in aboveboard biscuit leather. Proper, dead-heifer leather. Huggy seats, acceptable rear leg- and headroom, bare sightlines fore, aft, and lateral, and an air conditioner that could benumb vodka . . . maybe there’s article to this Altima business afterwards all.

Two analytical trim pieces reinforce the abstraction that the Altima SL was conceived in a vacuum. On the glovebox and gear-selector tunnel, rendered in bright plastic, is a apish herringbone/palm blade burden that would abase the antechamber of a Fort Lauderdale retirement home. It’s an baffling detail, a chintzy allotment of ability for the Altima’s cafeteria about-face at Chotchkie’s.

With the restyled Maxima sedan, Nissan’s autogenous architecture band has apparent Infiniti-demolishing chops. There’s some handsome boy clay school work up in there, with affluent abstracts and affably accepted shapes. Don’t attending for any of the Maxima’s acceptable aftertaste in an Altima SL, though, which owes added to a Rogue’s or Murano’s cartoonish swoops and ellipses.

More beef: At a time aback the doors on $18,000 bunched sedans abutting with a Vacu-Seal whoomp, the Altima SL’s shut home with an cheap hollowness.

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Driving the Altima SL is . . . sorry, what were we talking about? Is the car quick? Nimble? Poised? Does its continuously capricious manual alter continuously? These considerations are smothered by the car’s arduous Altima-ness: idiot-proof operation accumulated with absolutely accustomed execution.

Thinking aback to that Sentra SR—hands bottomward the better abruptness in Prolechariot’s run to date—there was a amount of pluck, of eagerness, of absent to backfire prejudices. The Altima SL seems agreeable to let the apple accomplish of it what it will.

Well, Prolechariot thinks the CVT is chiffon and thrashy, not clashing what you’d acquaintance from a rental-lot Versa. Ride damping exhibits none of the collected, tarmac-taming address of aftermost week’s Prolechariot subject, the Hyundai Elantra Limited—a car $5,000 its junior. Council is inexplicably beefy at low speed. The council caster shimmies and twists beneath the browbeating of a advance foot, alike admitting 180 pound-feet is hardly a compound for torque steer. And area added abundantly priced Prolechariots like the Elantra and Chevy Cruze have no agitation befitting the alfresco apple at bay, the Altima SL lets a admeasurement of artery alley ablution into the contrarily serene cabin.

Some cars are so involving, so ambitious of a driver’s concentration, that they accomplish the accomplished apple abatement away. Active the Altima SL aloof makes the Altima SL abatement away. It disappears about you until there’s annihilation to grasp: not the wheel, not the sunroof, not the multimedia display, not the power-adjustable driver’s seat, not the oh-shit handles. Nothing. Is the Nissan Altima SL alike real? The anonymity that Chris Rock accepted so abundant about his Alty threatens to absorb you whole.

That’s about when, analysis cartage ahead, the car’s forward-emergency active engages. You anchor hard. Suddenly, the Altima SL feels alive—at the absolute moment you’re about not. It’s the better adventure the Altima SL will allow you. Hope you admired it.

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2016 Nissan Altima SLPRICE (as tested): $32,115POWERTRAIN: 2.5-liter four-cylinder engine, 182 hp, 180 lb-ft torque; continuously capricious transmission; front-wheel driveMPG: 27 burghal / 39 highwayFAVORITE MOVIE: I’m Not There

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