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Prolechariot is a alternation about vehicular value. It’s about slapping your needs and wants on a wall, avaricious a fistful of darts, cocking your arm aback and aggravating to bang as abounding of your targets as possible. In added words, it’s about authoritative the second-largest acquirement accommodation best Americans face, and authoritative it right. Prolechariots are cars for the blow of us, and Jonathan Schultz is active them. Up this week: the 2016 Volkswagen Jetta GLI.

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Check your wallet, America. Is there $33,652 in there? Hey, congrats! That’ll buy clearly bigger versions of some actual bruised things. Among them: 9,776 boilerplate Almond Joy algid coffees at Dunkin’ Donuts, 1,053 Criterion Collection DVD copies of My Dinner With André, or a new car at the nationwide boilerplate price. It’s added than acceptable to net a 2016 Volkswagen Jetta GLI, a auto that could never redeem the cornea-stabbing aloofness of its antecedent material, but one that ability aloof accomplish a disciplinarian balloon the antecedent actual entirely.

What’s so abundant about three belletrist that, aback apprehend as one word, anatomy “glee?” For an answer, casting your boring against that added Volkswagen with three belletrist to its name.

The GTI lends its council wheel, 18-inch alloys, six-speed dual-clutch automated transmission, two-liter turbocharged engine, beautifully bolstered seats, and hot-hatch backbone to the Jetta GLI. It’s as if the Jetta bound itself in the basement with a Bowflex and a Vitamix, taped a photo of the GTI to a mirror, Rocky-Drago style, and put in work.

Not clashing the MkVII GTI that inspires it, the Jetta’s washboard abs and auger quads accept abundantly hidden. It’s a catlike machine, one that gives no apparent adumbration above the accessible signifiers—big wheels, trunk-lid lip, chrome-tipped bankrupt pipes, Tornado Red acrylic job—that it carries 12 kettle accretion in its block at all times.

Ah, yes, the badonkadonk out back. Is it fair to alarm this auto a GTI with a trunk? Would that appropriately accomplish the Jetta GLI the most Prolechariot Prolechariot on the market?

Here are the bristles things you charge to apperceive about the 2016 Volkswagen Jetta GLI.

Of the Passat, the Jetta’s mid-size sibling, The Drive chief auto analyzer Lawrence Ulrich once wrote:

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The VW resembles an 8-year-old’s Crayola apprehension of a car: three boxes, the tallest one in the middle. The attending is about patronizing, arch one to admiration what VW admiral absolutely anticipate of American tastes.

If the Passat was fatigued with Crayola, again the Jetta was rendered in feel paint. It takes a artist of analytical talent—or aloof a arrogant appearance of one’s ambition consumer—to actualize such a reductive agent shape.

Walter de Silva, the now-retired VP of architectonics at Volkswagen Group who’s accustomed with the first-gen Audi R8 and A5, active off on this ache of rolling misanthropy. The nominal volk in his employer’s name charge accept been abstractions to his teams; currywurst-chomping everymen with no artful depth. Here is your car! de Silva and aggregation must’ve proclaimed from Wolfsburg. It looks like a car! Are you actual pleased?

Well, no. How about a little lower bonanza sculpturing, or a attenuate beltline up-kick à la Hyundai Elantra? Why not a cone-shaped appendage or appendage in the anatomy side? Something, guys. Anything.

At atomic in GLI guise, the Jetta gets tarted up in the wheels, paint, and deck-lid lip departments.

There are bright allowances to designing a car to be a car, and not a beefy borderline accessory for your phone. The Jetta GLI’s autogenous showcases Volkswagen at its best: ergonomically smart, allegedly designed, and solid as fuck-all.

Buttons, switches, and dials afterglow an Audi red. Crisp analog gauges for ammunition akin and agent oil temperature backup central the speedo and tach, a acknowledgment that such things should not sprout basic blooming leaves or be active abaft three sub-menus; they’re allotment of driving, and arete your attention.

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V-Tex leatherette feels added 18-carat than the absolute being in the Ford Focus Titanium. It’s every bit as acceptable as Daimler’s MBTex: the Connolly adumbrate of faux leather. Its one shortfall? Breathability. On a 95-degree day spent active errands in Brooklyn and Queens, no bulk of amazing A/C could anticipate a Prolecharian’s aback from sweating, and VW isn’t exactly pulling a Kia and accouterment sub-$30,000 cars with bench ventilation.

Audi-like cerebration additionally suffuses the Jetta GLI’s multimedia features. We may never sample the onscreen acidity in the Ferrari GTC4Lusso, BMW 7-Series or Jaguar XF (because, you know, Prolechariot) but for $28,840, delivered, you’ll accept the 6.33-inch assemblage in the Jetta GLI, which can be begin all the way up the VW range.

Take the stereo’s on-screen antithesis and fader controls. Your feel operates a crosshair superimposed on a diagram of the cabin; so far, so un-revolutionary. But aloof the aboriginal besom of a fingertip slides the crosshair about the basic cabin, anon alteration the 400-watt Fender system’s achievement levels. It’s the affectionate of gee-whiz affection that Honda would devise, but didn’t, and its arduous accuracy of operation befits a Bentley.

Prolechariot took commitment of the Jetta GLI in lower Manhattan, accepting done easily of the Nissan Rogue SV a few hours earlier. FDR Drive, the six-lane artery active north-south forth the island’s east side, was uncharacteristically deserted. Time for a rare, abysmal burke dip.

Fellow Prolecharians: You don’t apperceive the analeptic qualities of a 210-horsepower, turbocharged, dual-clutched bunched auto until you’ve apprenticed a Nissan Rogue SV for a week. As the engine’s airy babble tightens into a aggressive drumroll, article like Fahrvergnügen creeps up your esophagus and leaves, unbidden, as this: Wow! Nothing like the adventure of exploded expectations.

The surprises abide as the GLI hunts and pecks its way beyond the Brooklyn Bridge, and on to the Gowanus Expressway—the de facto Terrordome of New York roadways. As lane markers abruptly abandon and drivers bandy lanes for the sheer schadenfreude of fucking up a guy’s program, the Jetta GLI stays firm. Quick council inputs, close anchor burden and sharp, accepted squirts of ability become your weapons in this Gotham Edition Galaga, and the Jetta GLI stays on message: added fun, added clarification and beneath money than you’d anytime expect.

Steering wheel–mounted paddles activate the DSG added bound than cars costing three times as much. VW has been accomplishing this two-liter/six-speed DSG affair for about on a decade, and you can feel it. Granted, the paddles should be larboard abandoned until the accessory selector is slapped over to chiral mode, contrarily the DSG will override the about-face alternative and bang you up if you’re in accustomed Drive mode, or bottomward a accessory (or two) if you’re in Sport. That Volkswagen alike affords you such choices, though, is rare—and appreciable—in this segment.

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There are, of course, activating tradeoffs amid the Volkswagen Jetta GLI and GTI.

For its GLI tune, the two-liter gives up 50 pound-feet of torque to the GTI. Further, the Jetta offers annihilation like the GTI’s Performance Pack, with its alike college agent output, bigger brakes, and limited-slip differential. And area the seventh-generation GTI is congenital on VW’s modular architecture, with its high-strength steels and added torsional rigidity, the Jetta barrio on a previous-gen platform. Those deficiencies abandoned preclude Prolechariot from authoritative an apples-to-apples comparison.

The Jetta’s hypothesis doesn’t strengthen on authentic price, either. At $28,840, the activated GLI SE undercuts a analogously able GTI SE by about $1,700, but the closing receives covering and a across-the-board sunroof—straightaway answer the bulk differential.

A abundant trunk, though, will be added admired to some Prolecharians than a ambush animosity and a bucket-load of added torque. The takeaway: GTI if you’re traveling light, GLI if you don’t charge the might.

2016 Volkswagen Jetta GLI SEPRICE AS TESTED: $28,840POWERTRAIN: Two-liter turbocharged four-cylinder engine, 210 hp, 207 lb-ft torque; six-speed dual-clutch automated transmission; front-wheel driveMPG: 23 burghal / 33 highwayAPPLICABLE PIECE OF DRAGO DIALOGUE: “Soon I defeat absolute champion.”

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